[img src: Haute Chocolate]
Oh, “writer’s block.”
You’re not all that unfamiliar. I remember being in high school trying to write and not being able to get the words out, rolling my eyes and scratching out words so hard I ripped the page because nothing was right. Needing to get them to bring to band practice, to get edited by a boyfriend before a coffee house, there was a sense of urgency to complete my thoughts. Later too, in college, trying to get that great idea out on paper, put my thoughts into words with a deadline looming.
But what if there is no deadline? What if there is no set topic? What on earth am I even blocked from writing about? Writing for?
When I took away these things and really thought about it, I finally realised what my personal writer’s block has always come from.
I don’t have confidence in my own voice.
Why would anyone want to listen to what I have to say?
What makes me an expert, or even someone worth acknowledging, about anything at all?
Out of the blog posts I have written the ones that seem to get the most reads are those that peer into my personal life. Things focusing on my feelings. My feelings. Hunh. How about that?
So I need to get over myself and not take things so seriously. Write what I know, or at least what I pretend to, and that would be the inner dialogue running ramped in my head.
Alright! I can do that!
It’s scary! I know that there are consequences of voicing an opinion online, where it can be subject to criticism I have no way of defending myself. I know that future employers will be able to see my opinions and make judgements based off that before interviewing me. I know that it will affect future clients, and even possibly could be manipulated to be used against me for a variety of other personal things. Not to mention the complete unknown future of the internet and how that will affect my daughter (or future children).
I’ve set boundaries. I will voice my opinion and discuss my life, but not my family, my significant other, or children directly. My feelings on motherhood are a journey all my own. Just as I may share a child, but the pregnancy was my own. I feel that motherhood, and all it encompasses, are mine to own and share.
OKAY COOL. I’ve got it sorted. Believe in yourself and write whatever you can, but make sure you stick to your boundaries.
WHOOPS ONE MORE THING
How do I justify taking that time away from the trillion other things I have to do? I mean, there are currently some pencil crayons on the ground that I really have no excuse to not have picked up before writing this. Some laundry I could be folding! Pre-making food for when I have a suddenly awake and starving little girl downstairs!
I don’t have to justify self-care. This is my self-care. Writing and taking a moment to have an identity outside of being a mother. That is a whole post unto itself, and a whole journey to struggle through. But I will prioritise this fun and relieving hobby to make sure I don’t lose myself.
So share I will. I look forward to babbling a lot more soon. But I am also not going to beat myself up if I need to disappear. Luckily and happily I have the lovely Becca co-writing with me, sharing both our fun shared events, and her life as well.
Thanks for letting me be human!